I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
