I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
