I'm drive I can fine osifer
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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