he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
