she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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