i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
