Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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