Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
