I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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