I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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