ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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