It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
