I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
