you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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