HIV tests are more positive than that guy
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
