It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
