One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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