I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
