Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
