I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
