in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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