So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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