its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
