the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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