a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
