If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
