How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
