True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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