Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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