I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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