your parents love me but you hate me
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
