thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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