I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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