I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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