Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Pants are for mortals
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize