Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
