the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
