I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
