There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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