I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
