So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
