At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
