u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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