Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
