I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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