Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
