I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I currently don't understand fingers.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
