Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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