It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
