I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
