similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
