i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
