Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
