I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
