dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
