Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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