New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
