what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
