Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
How external is "for external use only"?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
