# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
